I have a confession to make. I joined a couple of parenting Facebook groups a while back, and the only reason I haven’t left them is that I’m addicted to the drama. I can’t even remember how I came about joining them to begin with…I just know that somehow it happened and somehow I got stuck.
I see new posts about weaning and cot bumpers and ‘my ex is a dick’ and I cringe, but there’s also a (not so) small part of me that inwardly chuckles with glee. Free entertainment!
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for parents helping each other out with advice and support, and I am there to offer it as much as I can. That is, after all, one of the reasons I look for such groups. Those controversial/whingey topics though are just asking for trouble. They end up with full blown arguments and phrases such as here comes the perfect parent brigade, and well I did it that way and my baby is fine. They are so painful to read, and yet like the picking of a scab they just make you come back for more.
I am a backseat reader when it comes to these types of posts. Usually anyway…I’m all for jumping in to give someone support if they are being slated, but only if I can be bothered to deal with the ramifications of such an act of solidarity.
On Thursday, however, I made the mistake of voicing an opinion. Uh oh! Alarm bells should have been ringing as soon as I hit enter. The topic?
Are there any full time mummys here? I want to know how you can afford to not work.
Full time mummys.
I hate the phrase full time mummy. I see it thrown around on social media and plastered all over people’s Facebook bios, and it really does my head in. What these women mean to say is stay at home mum. To me, full time mummy is a phrase which diminishes the importance of parents who work as well as look after their child. Just because I woke part time, does not make me a full time parent. I am still a parent when I’m at work, I am just not undertaking the parental responsibilities. I am still a parent when my son is at nursey, I am just paying other people to look after him for a short space of time.
Yeah…I shouldn’t have risen to it. I nice and politely stated my reason for not liking the phrase, and was immediately told I was being touchy and overreacting and that I needed to take a chill pill and stop taking my bad day out on everyone else. Well, maybe they were right about that, but that’s not the point. The point is they could have just accepted it and moved on…but they had to turn it into a fight.
I went on to explain that in a world where women are under so much pressure to want to be with their kids 24/7 and give up absolutely everything else to do so, such a phrase can actually cause guilt and offence. I mentioned that at the beginning of my postnatal depression, I’d had those feelings of guilt, and had felt like such a bad mum.
U need to take ur head for a wiggle.
What the hell does that even mean?! This was from the boyfriend of the girl who posted. Baring in mind I hadn’t actually been rude or insulting to anyone, I had kept my cool and politely reasoned it out. I tell you what though, it pushed me over the edge. I had mentioned postnatal depression, and this cool dude had decided to basically call me mental. The insults kept flowing, and I was getting more and more worked up, until…
Ur a gimp
A gimp?! I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever been called that. I was laughing so hard I almost sprung a leak. A gimp. It almost made it worth it. Almost.
I won’t be voicing an opinion on there again though.