All women are expected to have babies. Except those women who love other women of course, because then the idea becomes absurd, as if the mothering instinct has disappeared. In such a modern world, I really don’t understand why the idea of two women having kids is still so taboo. I personally find it amazing…especially the idea that one woman’s egg can be fertilised and placed in the other woman’s womb to grow. How beautiful is that!
Since having a child, I have lost count of the number of times people have asked me when I’m having the next one. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love another, but not quite yet. It’s one thing when friends and family ask, but another when the question comes from a complete stranger. What frustrates me about that is the expectation.
Once you pop, you just can’t stop!
And then there’s the pressure put on newlyweds. Apparently as soon as you get married, the first thing on your mind should be starting a family. The sooner the better, although it becomes a funny family story if it happens whilst on the honeymoon. As soon as a woman gets married, it seems it’s her job to give up everything and become the perfect mother and housewife. How is that still an expectation? What happened to couples travelling or women focusing on their careers? And heaven forbid the father should want to take on that role instead!
Ooooh it’ll be babies next!
Seriously. No matter the stage in a woman’s life, whether she’s in a picture perfect steady relationship or has years of marriage under her belt, don’t ask her when she’s having kids. It is none of your business, whether you are friend, family, or acquaintance. The only people that should be having that discussion are the couple themselves.
- Maybe they’ve been trying, but it hasn’t happened yet
- Maybe they don’t want kids
- Maybe it’s an awkward topic they can’t agree on
- Maybe they have other things they want to do first
- Maybe they were pregnant, but suffered a loss you don’t know about
- Maybe they are pregnant but don’t want to announce it yet
- Maybe they are having relationship troubles and a baby is the last thing on their minds
These questions and exclamations are usually made out of jest or genuine curiosity. They aren’t meant to harm or cause stress, but unfortunately they often do. Imagine being asked the same question over and over again by multiple people – how annoyed would you get? Now imagine if that question brought up painful memories or feelings.
So next time you want to ask that question, consider asking something else instead.